Thursday, 9 October 2014

You know what is worse than having a part of yourself die everytime you see the person you love, love someone else?
Watching the person you love slowly die watching his love love someone else 

Thursday, 29 May 2014

If it is unappetizing: Do not eat, date, or sign up for it. If the mere thought of it is depressing: Do not major it, sit through it, or devote your life to it. If it is not important to you: Do not do it only because it's important to someone else.

You will thank yourself. 


At first it's just a fleeting glance in his direction. Now and then, a smile is exchanged. Soon after that, the texting begins. He tells you about his day and you tell him about yours. You tell him about your past and how you're not afraid of anyone breaking you because you're already broken. He tells you what a fool those guys were for hurting a girl like you and what a privilege it would be for a guy to call you his girl. Then the flirting, he flirts and you flirt back. He's now a part of your daily routine, you wake up to him and you fall asleep to his conversations. The ones at night are the best, the most meaningful and the deepest. You sleep when he sleeps. Now he's the only thing you look forward to during that day. It's time to take it to the next level, to meet. And so the dates begin. Hanging out with him is the most amazing thing in the world. Your feet are constantly off the ground and butterflies are permanent residents of your stomach. Your friends know about him, you can't get his name off your lips. He gives you nicknames and soon you're his baby. He says he loves you and you can't forget how he looked, the fondness on his face, the admiration in his eyes, and you say it back within a heartbeat. You are the happiest girl in the world.
Then suddenly the texting stops. You ask him what's wrong and he says nothing. You're clingy and always the first one to initiate a conversation. He starts acting aloof, he's always occupied. Soon after he said he doesn't feel it anymore. He doesn't feel like he did before. Every time you both talk, it turns to a fight. Now you're scared that you're bothering him and so you stop talking. Days turn into months and not a word has been said. Every night turns in a puddle of tears. Your friends tell you to get over him, they say you don't deserve the pain, but you don't know any way else. You need him. You miss what he was, what you had.
And one day, you see there's someone else. A new girl who he texts all day, who he goes out with, who he calls cute names. You see he is completely fine without you, in fact he doesn't even seem to remember you. He tells her everything he used to tell you. He calls her baby and admires her beauty. He's moved on completely but you can't seem to let go. A part of you still believes he'll come back and everything will go back to normal, but another part knows that will never happen. You compare every guy you meet to him. He's on your mind every second of the day.
He was the one who fixed your ache, only to give you one that was much more painful. 

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

First year.

I have my finals starting in two days, and within another ten days I will be done with my first year in college.
I remember the dread I walked into this year, the fear of making no friends, turning out to fail misrrably at law, the trauma of taking care of myself. Well needless to say, I managed.
I've made some amazing friends, my boys who are constantly my stronghold, they're like the perfect combination of guardians. One encourages me to live my life and go wild while the other one lightly holds me back from going all out crazy and nudges me towards the right path more than once. My girl who is probably the purest human I've met, it's annoying how she doesn't feel the need to judge and bitch, and part of me feels unfulfilled but she makes me.feel like a better person.
I am born to be a lawyer. Actually I was probably born to be an Actor but life is hard so I'll settle for law. It's so hard, and I am failing miserably at it, but there are people who are worse off, so I suppose I cut to being average.
Living alone was a pain, the cleaning after yourself, burnt meals, no meals, dirty underwear, lots of new underwear, everything but I managed and today I signed a lease for my own apartment for the next year.
It's funny how one day your wetting your pants (figuratively) and in no time everything falls into place. This first year and flown by so fast and by God's grace it was so good, I cross my heart and hope the next four years are the joyride I'm expecting.